Angels

* This was an old post, but I ran into Maggi* for the first time in almost a year last night. We picked up a stale conversation as if it were just yesterday. She carried sunshine with her around midnight. :) I've been at the bar now for almost 2yrs... how funny it is how life changes.

Like a ghost, she floated into the bar one Wednesday night. I'll never forget meeting her.... It was one of the first nights I closed the bar by myself... She shuffled when she walked. Head down, eyes on the floor... almost as if she was counting the tiles there... She wore a black knit hat and a red wool poncho. Her converse sneakers had seen many miles and were missing their laces. Her corduroys were brown and looked as if maybe they'd come from a rummage sale. She carried a plastic grocery bag under her arm... I thought she might bite me if I touched it.

She spoke quietly. She asked what the cheapest thing to drink was. I told her draft was on sale for .75 that night.

I noticed her hand shook as she pulled a worn black Velcro wallet from her pocket. A few pennies a nickel and a couple dimes fell out onto my bar. She looked embarrassed.

I filled her beer mug and reached into my tip jar. The night had been slow, but I could spare the change more than she could. I left her change on the bar.

Her skin was weathered, a bit like old leather. I wondered at her age. She was in her fifties at least... I think maybe though her lifestyle lent years to her frame.

We talked awhile... about the town... the new development... taxes and school districts...

She stayed long enough to finish her beer.

As she pushed herself back onto her feet, she paused... she smiled at me. I noticed she was missing teeth...

Then, like the ghost that entered, she disappeared back into the night...

Her change I noticed had been pushed into my well.

I thought about her that night as I closed. Wondered if she had somewhere to go.

***

The next time I saw her was a Sunday afternoon.... She was wondering around the building peeking in windows. I poked my head out the front door and asked her if she'd be coming in.

She smiled.

Her hands were already shaking as she pulled up a bar stool. She asked if drafts were on sale. I told her they weren't.

She stood to leave. Head down.

"Wait." I said.

"Would you stay and let me buy you a cup of coffee? I never have anyone to drink my coffee with in the mornings here... I could use some company..."

She smiled and sat back down. She told me I was a good girl.

That made me smile.

That Sunday, she stayed with me for nearly an hour. I learned that she grew up on a horse farm; she had diabetes; she loved animals; she had a dog... She didn't care much for people though...

I learned that she'd been married... Her name was *Margaret... Her husband had called her *Maggi. I wondered angrily just where the hell he was now... I felt like a shit when she told me he'd passed.

She told me I could call her Maggi if I was of a mind to.

I smiled, I told her I thought I might be.

In that moment, we became friends.

...She left as she always would. Without a word, just that toothless grin.

She began to visit me every Sunday. I looked forward to seeing her. She'd stay for coffee and a chat, and that was about it... Maggi was at least my mothers age... speaking to her though was like talking to a child... She had an innocence about the way she worded things.. Maybe that was where the fierce protective feelings that grew within me came from.... I'm not sure about that though...

***

It stormed like crazy one Sunday... I was working the night shift. The night had been slow and I began closing the bar around midnight. The neon green open sign in the window was dark. Bar stools were on their tables. I was wiping down the cooler when the door opened. I hadn't seen Maggi in two or three weeks. She came into the bar dripping wet and soaked to the core.

I hadn't been expecting anymore company. Her presence stopped me for a second... For a heartbeat I thought off hand she might be there to rob me. Then she smiled.

I felt like an asshole.

"Oh no!" She said reaching for the door. "You're closed already aren't you!?"

"Yeah, sorry Mags," I said. "time for me to go home, been a long day." A good seven months pregnant, the day had been a long one and I was missing my bed.... I still had to drive to Homewood and pick up the kids...

"It's okay.. Okay... I'll see you." She turned to leave.

I couldn't let her go back out in the storm... It was cold. The rain was freezing as it hit the ground. She was dripping on the floor.

I sat her down and started some tea. I grabbed a few dry bar rags and tried to dry her off.

Maggi smiled at me. For the first time, she pulled off the knit hat.

I couldn't stop the gasp that flew from my lips.

Her head was mostly shaved... Strings of brown and grey hair from spots she'd missed covered bald patches.... Rigid purple scars covered her scalp.

What had she seen.?

Then she smiled at me again. That toothless grin I'd come to love....

For a moment I believe she showed me her soul... I've never seen a more beautiful person.

"Maggi, " I started... Uncertain what to say. "I have to close up... Where are you going tonight...?"

She patted my hand. How ironic I thought, that she'd try to comfort me in this moment.

"I'll head to the church. It'll be warm there."

As the tea finished brewing, she patted herself mostly dry and I set the alarm on the wall. We walked out together.

I walked to my Envoy, hitting the unlock button as I approached. It beeped a welcome to me. As I leaned into my truck, I looked over at Maggi. She was huddled under the parking lot light. For a moment I thought about a lost puppy.

I couldn't leave her there.

"Hey Maggi!" I called to her. "Let me give you a ride."

She almost ran to my car, shuffle, drag,shuffle, drag... Along the icy asphalt.

When she climbed into my car, I could smell the wet wool and dirty skin she wore.

She directed me out of the parking lot.

The ride was no more than fifteen minutes... She marveled at my truck... the radio quality and comfortable seats... I thought about how Garrick and I can't wait to trade it in for a new one.... One with leather upholstery and blue tooth equipment.... I was ashamed.

She quickly disappeared behind the church when we arrived. One glance and a wave as the night engulfed her...

Garrick was angry with me when I told him I'd given her a ride... More worried about what might have happened... He's probably right, I suppose... You never know these days....

I couldn't leave her there.

I'd do it again.

***

I didn't see her the weeks before I had the baby... Or for the month I was off...

She showed up a week or two after I was back. I was happy to see her...

She was angry with me.

"You didn't tell me you were leaving!" She accused. " I came to see you... You were gone! I didn't know where you were!"

"Mags, You weren't up here, I'm sorry." I replied as I set her coffee in front of her.

She calmed down. Hands shaking she held the Styrofoam cup. She wouldn't look at me. She stared at the bar.

"I didn't have anything for the baby..." she whispered.

"Maggi. I don't need anything." I smiled. I tried to hold her hand. She pulled it away.

She looked at me, her eyes I noticed were filled with tears.

"That's not the point and you know it. That's not the point."

I didn't know what to say.

She then reached into her plastic Wilco bag, the one I imagined was filled with her treasures. She pulled out a small yellow fleece prayer shawl... The kind Catholic churches give patients...

"It's not much... " She whispered handing me the piece of fabric.

"I want you to give this to your baby from me... Please..."

It meant more to me than gold.

"We're friends right?" She smiled...

She was so beautiful.

***

I see Maggi every now and again. The weather is warmer now and I imagine there are other places she haunts... I look forward to her visits now and again..

I think maybe there are angels in this dark world of ours. Angels here to teach us something... Angels here to test our character...

I think maybe it's easy to pass them by everyday, easy to look the other way, easy to do nothing... I think maybe we mostly do...

I know Maggi is an angel.

I'm proud to call her my friend.